8 Conversations to Have with Your Partner Before Having a Baby

Whether you’re thinking about having a baby soon or just at some point in the future, there are a few conversations you should have with your partner before the baby is born. Sure, some of the decisions can be made along the way, but some details are easier hashed out before you and your spouse aren’t sleep deprived.

1. Is now the right time?

It’s important that you talk about when you want to start trying to have a baby. Think about your mental, physical, and financial health. Also, talk about whether you have anything on your pre-baby bucket list you definitely want to accomplish first.

2. How will we share baby duties?

When you’re talking about how you’ll share baby duties, don’t just talk about diaper duty or bedtime routines (although those are important). Talk about how you’ll handle childcare or if one of you will quit their job to be a stay-at-home parent. Knowing what you expect from each other will help prevent burnout, frustration, and resentment.

3. How will our budget change?

Babies are not cheap. Look at your current spending habits and talk about what will need to change. Don’t forget to think about whether you need to make any big purchases before having a baby, like buying a new home or a new car.

Listen: Saving Money & Creating a Budget with Leah Janik

4. How will we make time for each other after the baby is born?

Once you have a baby, you won’t be able to just head out for a date night on a whim. It will take more planning. But making time for your relationship will be more important than ever. Make sure you have a plan to keep the spark alive. Whether that’s planning a monthly date night out of the house or spending a few minutes talking (about anything except your child) before you go to sleep each night.

5. How will we discipline our child?

Your kids will make mistakes, and you’ll have to discipline them to help them become happy and functioning adults in the future. Talk about how your own parents disciplined you — both the good and the bad. Discuss what tactics you want to copy and which ones you want to leave behind. Are there any methods you’re willing to try or any you want to avoid, no matter what?

6. What if we have trouble getting pregnant?

Sadly, infertility is a major issue, and about one in four women experience a miscarriage at some point. Hopefully, you never have to experience either problem, but it will be easier to talk about them before they happen. 

  • How long will you try for a baby before seeking help from an infertility specialist?
  • Will you try IVF?
  • Are you willing to adopt?
  • Would you want to use a surrogate?

Read also: How to Respond to “When are You Going to Have a Baby?”

7. How will we handle religion?

If you and your spouse practice the same religion and go to church regularly, this might be a no-brainer. But talk about what traditions you want your baby to be part of and when you will introduce religion into their life.

8. Who will be our kids’ guardian if something happens to us?

I know this is not something you want to think about, but it’s incredibly important. Talk about who you trust with your children’s futures.

man and pregnant woman with their hands over the woman's belly